The opening match of the 2008 season (after a truncated off-season) welcomed sell-out crowds to the Cicero Stadium. The throng was sardined to capacity, filling the bleachers knee to knee and shoulder to shoulder. The league boasts 20 new skaters, and doubtlessly the swollen attendance numbers reflected this growing vigor.

Before the action commenced, Mouthpiece.aspx">Mouthpiece found himself uncharacteristically tongue-tied as he introduced Tequila Mockingbird, who broke several vertebrae in action last August. The crowd responded warmly to her with a spontaneous standing ovation, and it would not be out of place here to remind readers here that contributions to defray her considerable medical costs can be made at www.helptequila.com.

At half-time, the co-ed cheerleading squad, The Power of Cheer, came out and made us all slightly uncomfortable with their unbridled energy and enthusiasm.

Manic Attackers vs. Hell’s Belles

The Manic Attackers’ long string of futility, going back to the 2006 season, continued unabated in 2008 as they fell to the powerhouse Hell’s Belles by a very persuasive margin.

The Attackers’ bad news began before the whistle blew, as returning Mo Vengeance called in with a fever and added her name to a DL that already included veteran blocker Annie Maim and solid pivot Helsa Wayton. 2007 All-Stars co-captains Malice With Chains and Megan Formor went head-to-head and scoreless in the first jam, then jam 2 saw sleek and swift Athena DeCrime collect nine points, while her teammates Phannie of the Opera and ex-Chi*Town Siren Shocka Conduit held the Manics’ jammer Wreck N’ Shrew in the back of the pack. On the next jam, Riley Coyote scored three for the Manics, but that turned out to be the total points they would score for the rest of the first half, and it didn’t help that their jammers would occupy the penalty box four times, significantly truncating their scoring ability. Meanwhile, the Belles would benefit from grand slams by Athena, ex-Lonestar Roller Girl Jameson.aspx">Jameson, and Shocka, as well as an astounding 15-point jam by Varla Vendetta that left the Manics a distant, receding image in the Belles’ rear-view mirror.

At the start of the second half, Malice With Chains picked up four points for the Manics, but Athena immediately answered with seven as the Belles continued to swamp the Manics. By then, any hope for a comeback was a wistful pipedream. The Manics did manage to keep the penalty box well populated as their frustration and desperation waxed in equal measure. The Manics deployed Di Richmond and Riley Coyote in the jammer slot, cultivating them in anticipation of brighter days to spell the overworked Malice, Gigantor and Ying o’Fire. They can find further reason for hope in the spirited blocking of former Sirens league MVP Beth Amphetamine.

The Belles, with all their experienced travel team players, will certainly be in the thick of things when the Ivy King Cup next goes up for grabs, as new Manic captains Malice With Chains and VanDawl.aspx">VanDawl must forge ahead to tap their reorganized team’s potential.

Final score: Hell’s Belles 87, Manic Attackers 27

The Fury vs. Double-Crossers

The Double-Crossers line-up has experienced more turnover than a telemarketing staff, with retirements and injuries resulting in a roster that includes as many new recruits as seasoned veterans, yet they retain a remarkable consistency of play despite their interchangeable parts. They are very much the same team that scooped up last year’s championship, with their ethic of smooth teamwork and strong defense. Still, with the current and former captains (Nina Millimeter and Lucy Furr, respectively) on the disabled list, the Fury must have seen a chance to exploit the chinks in their armor.

However, Kola Loka, the Fury’s captain and possibly the best jammer in town, remains out after knee surgery, and their all-around go-to gal, Anne Putation, retired during the off-season. Both were sorely missed by their team on this occasion. But with The Fury’s muscle and pool of talent, they were going to go down fighting.

The Crossers leaned heavily on the skills of last year’s breakout jammer, Peg Legs, whose speed and balance carried the day. The Fury led with their aces, deploying speed demon Yvette YourMaker and workhorses Eva Dead and Gogo Hatchet in the first three jams and keeping them in steady rotation throughout the night. And so would you if you were them. In the first go-round, when Blossom Bruiso nailed down lead jammer for the Crossers, Fury jammer Yvette fell back to spar with her defensively, but was thwarted by the up-and-comer Indy Cent, who is becoming a force to be reckoned with as both a blocker and a jammer, and Donna Party, back from a broken leg and ready to reassert herself as the heart of the Crossers’ well drilled pack. Meanwhile, Blossom, resorting to something resembling osmosis, sifted through the pack for five points and the Crossers were off and running.

The Fury’s premier pivot Anita Applebomb and human projectile Hausa Pain kept jostling and unbalancing Peg Legs every time she wore the star, but Crossers finesse trumped Fury muscle throughout the evening. In addition, the Crossers benefited from the sterling jamming of ex-Siren Karmageddon (who scored a second-half grand slam), and newcomer to the sport Georgia On Yer Behind (who thoughtfully brought her own cheering section), who made an impressive impact as a blocker in nearly every other jam.

On the Fury side, ex-Siren Donna D. Apocalypse will be a blocking/jamming double-threat to watch out for and, in her second year, Sonya MouthShut has certainly arrived as a world class blocker.

The final score: Double-Crossers 71, The Fury 29.

Current Standings

HB (1-0, 87pts), XX (1-0, 71pts), TF (0-1 29pts), MA (0-1, 27pts)

Bout Statistics
Grand Slams: Blossom Bruiso - XX (3), Varla Vendetta - HB (3), Athena DeCrime - HB (2), Peg Legs - XX (2), Anne Arkie - XX (1), Eva Dead - TF (1), Indy Cent - XX (1), Jameson.aspx">Jameson - HB (1), Karmageddon - XX (1), Shocka Conduit - HB (1)
Most Jam Points: Varla Vendetta - HB (28)
Most Blocks: Megan Formor - HB (7)
Most Whips: Harmadillo - HB (2)
Most Minor Penalties: Beth Amphetamine - MA (28)
Most Major Penalties: Val Capone - MA (4), Wreck N Shrew - MA (4), Ying O'Fire - MA (4), Indy Cent - XX (4), Eva Dead - TF (4)
Lead Jam %: HB (65.63%), XX (51.52%), TF (47.06%), MA (28.13%)